@idealway posted this link on Twitter today. It is about a recent John Hopkins study about left handedness and why they need emotions to learn to remember. It says that “lefties and dyslexics activated their emotions(amygdala) and personal relevance(left hippo-campus) areas when remembering.”
I really don’t understand all the scientific or medical jargon of the brain yet, but I am a leftie. From my perspective, this is true. I didn’t know that the emotions were tied to the amygdala though. So it is an interesting thought for me today because of a personal matter that is very close to my heart, or shall I say emotions.
I came up with the concept of I Have HDD a year and a half ago when I woke up in the middle of the night. I started writing what came into my awareness without much thought. It was one of those things that happen in a spontaneous moment and the words flow out instantly. I knew I was in a shift of some kind. I write about this alot on my mirror site which is my behind the scenes personal journey. It is an ongoing process and will be, I assume, for the rest of my life.
My brother was diagnosed as bi-polar when he was in high school in mid-70’s. He hung around the wrong crowd and became a drug addict. three of the “friends” he hung around with died in one year either of drug overdose or suicide. He did every drug in the book and all hell broke loose for our family for many years. He was institutionalized in several mental hospitals, one of which was Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas, and had over a dozen psychiatrist evaluating him.
I recently asked him what was his worst memory of that time. He says it was the electroshock treatment. The hospital stays occurred approximately between 17-23 years of age and I am one year younger than him. So it occurred during my high school days. I have many memories of being depressed and anguished about seeing him in these mental hospitals.
Two weeks ago we celebrated my brother’s 50 year birthday. He is a highly intelligent, creative and kind person. Except that on occasion he goes off the deep end in anger. Well, who doesn’t? Not a big deal, right? Except for me, the memories of him going off the deep end are terrifying. And the memories of seeing him drugged up to calm him down are just as terrifying. He would then become like a zombie.
I remember one day my father came home and said that ”the psychiatrists didn’t know what came first, the chicken or the egg.” What he meant is that no one knew if the manic depression started because of the drugs or if it was something chemical in him to begin with when he was born. My father’s profession was a medical doctor and practiced as a general surgeon all his life.
It seemed like the extreme yo-yo episodes lasted a life time. But suddenly one day in his early 20’s, he did a total turnaround. It was something short of a miracle according to my mom who prayed every day that he get better. I wrote about it here recently. My brother hasn’t gone off those extreme deep ends in about 26 years. It is truly amazing.
Because of his recent break up with his girlfriend, it brought up many emotions, frustrations and depression. I told him that this relationship happened for a reason. Maybe those emotions needed to come to the surface to heal some things of the past with the family. He agreed with me and even suggested his need for some kind of help to deal with them. That’s a normal thing too. Therapy works wonders.
My brother is not left handed. But he is a very sensitive person. He is also very extroverted and distracts himself in many things that really do not produce much for him monetarily. He is kind of like a humanitarian with great ideas. I offered to help him with his ideas, but I can’t get him to sit still and focus.
I wonder now how the brain really functions and how it has affected a person like him who has lived complete extremes: a drug addict and then like a monk in meditation for about 20 years. I know he is alive now because of that drastic life change for so many years. But now that he has been less rigid in these past six years in his eating and lifestyle, I notice patterns. And those patterns bring up my own memories of fear of him going off the deep end. Maybe if he never did drugs, he would only be diagnosed ADD or ADHD. I really don’t know.
So now that I have time to pursue my own Hopes, Dreams and Desires of inspiration and writing, I am going to dedicate my time to understanding more how the brain functions relating to these diagnosed disorders. Maybe there are tools to put order into the dis-order. And since I am a lefty and need to do something that has meaning, this hits very close to home and my heart.
Who knows how all the pieces will come together and why I ended up with this random concept of I Have HDD in the middle of the night. Time will tell. When I launched this site a few months ago, I dedicated this site to my brother, Luis. He is the one in the middle in the family picture on this post. My mission was to motivate him to focus and get more balanced. But he runs on his own tune and is stubborn. If he doesn’t open himself to help, that is his choice.
Maybe along the way, I will find a way to help other children who are diagnosed with these dis-orders and end up over drugged. Being the daughter of a medical doctor and having interest in holistic medicine, I would like to find something that will be a middle ground. I never have believed in going too much on one extreme. Holistic medicine is great but medical doctors save lives too. My brother hasn’t taken Lithium for over 25 years. Maybe it is time for a middle ground now that he is no longer living like a total monk.
Besides reading this article of the amygdala and the emotions today, I came across this video below on Ted.com of Dr. Michael Merzenich the other night and this article on his blog. My curious mind will be searching for the answers. Please join me so we can help our future generations, the children, to fully utilize their God given creative talents. Too much is going to waste. I have lived it and it affects the whole family.
My own sister who is a mental health therapist says she cannot play therapist in the family in this issue. She says that her own weight problem is a result of all the emotional memories buried inside of her during that time when my brother was very ill. She is an amazing therapist though, outside of the family. For her, it manifested as depression. I did the opposite and distracted myself to no end.
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